I feel so guilty. I feel that I did not acheive anything today. And that's not good, especially when finals are around the corner.
I slept at 3 am last night. I studied, after chatting with an old fried for an hour plus. Its surprising how your guy friends suddenly become so friendly when they see a recent picture of you looking good. The compliments that they give, the efforts to chat with you. Thing weren't the same 5 years ago, when I was fat.
I still feel fat. I'm obssessed about my weight and appearance. I think I have a psychiatric disorder. I hate being so freaking obssessed about my weight, but I can't help it. Its just there, constantly in my mind.
It doesn't help that my appetite has been increasing over the past few weeks. I fear that I'll end up being like what I was previously. I definately wouldn't want that to happen, not after getting a feel of being 10 kgs lighter, along with all those compliments. No, that's not happening for sure. I'll control my food intake tomorrow onwards.Promise.
Back to topic. I planned on waking up at 930 am today, to start studying early. The stupid fire alarm went off at 9am. I initially thought that it was a false alarm, as usual. But, it went on for so long that I started thinking 'what if there really is a fire?' I walked to end of the corridor in my pyjamas, still half asleep to look out and see if the fire brigade was there. Nope.
I went back to my room, emptied my bladder, and went back to sleep. I woke up at 1130am. Started my day feeling guilty. I hate that. I cursed myself for not showering at 930am itself. I had breakfast. did my laundry, showered and started studying. Also watched a movie part by part in between all these.
Slept again at 345. Woke up at 445 and went to gym. Great workout. Came back and showered, had dinner, continued watching the movie, then facebooked for sometime. Felt guilty, so I started studying again.
Couldn't concentrate. Feeling depressed, guilty.
So, here I am, blogging. I always feel better after blogging. Its like venting out your frustrations. Makes m heart lighter and my mind clearer.
Hopefully, tomorrow is a better, more productive day.